The Older I Get...the Less I Understand

I don’t understand why anybody would want to put all sorts of personal information on the Internet for everyone in the world to see, or why anybody would find looking at such drivel interesting. And in a world filled with beautiful blue skies, green grass and lovely flowers I just can’t understand how anyone could become addicted to playing computer games, or bridge or canasta for that matter.

Likewise, I can’t see why anybody would buy a car or a piece of furniture from a company whose owners and employees get on television and scream complete banalities and outright lies at us while we are trying to eat our supper. How do these companies stay in business?

And I can’t for the life of me figure out why people think it requires five minutes on the evening news to tell us if it is going to rain tomorrow or if the sun is going to shine. I feel sorry for the apparently intelligent individuals who fill these minutes each day. It just makes them look foolish. Actually the fault lies with the producers of these local news shows who either can’t or won’t take the trouble to think up something better to do with such expensive air time.

You would think advertisers would pay more for commercials if station owners and managers could find something of greater interest and value for the audience they are trying to attract. Of course, if you consider the TV screamers (who cause us all to eat supper with one hand while the other hand rests on the mute button), why bother to draw us in when the screamers, who are paying the bills after all, work so hard to run us off? I just don’t understand.

And it never ceases to amaze me that people get so incredibly upset about their neighbor’s dog’s droppings on their lawns. What is the big deal with that, anyway? People don’t get upset if Congress votes to give $750 billion of our money to people who will pay most of it to themselves, but if their neighbor’s cat fertilizes their flower bed, they are ready to take up arms. What is that all about?

A woman talking on a cell phone very nearly killed herself and me in traffic this week because I made the mistake of putting on my left blinker to change lanes. She stomped the gas pedal of her hulking SUV and I pulled hard to my right and saved us both. She climbed the left curb but she did succeed in keeping me from getting in front of her. On the rear of her gas guzzler was a shiny new sticker urging everyone to “Keep Christ in Christmas.” What’s the deal with that? The lesson is if you need to change lanes - Just do it! They’ll try to kill you if you let them know in advance.

I could go on, but why bother? They say wisdom comes with age, but it obviously is not true in my case. I am over 65 and totally out of style, out of touch and out of patience with the rapid pace of change in some areas, and the incredible lack of change in too many others. Worst of all, I sound like my parents.

So here are my resolutions for the New Year: 1) I will get myself a page on Facebook; 2) I will learn to play a game on the computer and 3) I will not eat supper until the local news is over. Also, I will not get a dog and I will stop using my turn indicators. That and the free sample of Viagra my doctor gave me the other day should have me up to speed in no time. Happy 2009 everyone!

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